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"If there is reincarnation I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."
"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
Explore more quotes by Woody Allen
"The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence."
"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic."
"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."
"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."
"You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life."
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