"If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago."

Satire, Gender, Equality, Power

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"If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago."

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"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

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"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

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"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

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"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

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"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Scandal, Gossip, Morality, Truth

"I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

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"Alas! with all her reasoning, she found, that to retentive feelings eight years may be little more than nothing."

Jane Austen, British Writer

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

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Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."

Irony, Absence, Alcohol, Humor

"Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after."

Heartbreak, Dating, Loss, End, Emotion

"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."

Irony, Knowledge, Violence, Power

"It ate a party till someone ends up naked."

Chaos, Humor, Excess, Absurdity

"Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass."

Consequences, Consequence, Mistake, Past, Responsibility

"Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same."

Prudence, Curiosity, Awareness, Caution, Humor

"The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments."

Insanity, Humor, Reality, Disruption

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot."

Insult, Humor, Contempt, Irony

"Celibacy sucks, no pun intended."

Abstinence, Frustration, Humor, Desire, Constraint

"Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes."

Companionship, Humor, Independence, Animals