"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Wife,

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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

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"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Henny Youngman, American Comedian

Wife,

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

Wife, Want, Years

"I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan."

Corey Feldman, American Actor

Wife,

"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife."

Franz Schubert, Austrian Composer

Wife, Friend, Man

"My wife volunteered her services as Red Cross nurse, insisting upon being sent to the front, in order to be as near me as could be, but it developed later that no nurse was allowed to go farther than the large troop hospitals far in the rear of the actual operations."

Fritz Kreisler, Austrian Composer

Wife, Being, Hospitals, Order

"He asked why and I said, 'Because Gwyneth has a fat suit, my wife has a fat suit - I don't get a fat suit?' He looked at me and said, 'You mean you don't have one on?'"

Joe Viterelli, American Actor

Wife,

"Finding a good band is Iike finding a good wife. You got to keep trying till you find the right one."

Ace Frehley, American Musician

Wife, Right, Trying

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

Wife, Kisses

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

Rodney Dangerfield, American Comedian

Wife, Day, Jealousy, May

"One day my wife went and saw the accountant and said she's pulling the plug. She said you guys are done. I said, how bad can it be? 10 grand? She said you're not even close. It came out to almost $50,000 in alcohol for two months."

Zakk Wylde, American Musician

Wife, Alcohol, Day, Months

Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman

"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

Time

"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

Men

"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."

Wit

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."

Holiday

"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

Mother

"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."

Time

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Exlpore more Wife quotes

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

"I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan."

"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife."

"My wife volunteered her services as Red Cross nurse, insisting upon being sent to the front, in order to be as near me as could be, but it developed later that no nurse was allowed to go farther than the large troop hospitals far in the rear of the actual operations."

"He asked why and I said, 'Because Gwyneth has a fat suit, my wife has a fat suit - I don't get a fat suit?' He looked at me and said, 'You mean you don't have one on?'"

"Finding a good band is Iike finding a good wife. You got to keep trying till you find the right one."

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

"One day my wife went and saw the accountant and said she's pulling the plug. She said you guys are done. I said, how bad can it be? 10 grand? She said you're not even close. It came out to almost $50,000 in alcohol for two months."

Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman

"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."

"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way."

"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."

"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."