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"The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel."
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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."
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"One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes."
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"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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"Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs."
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"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
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"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
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"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."
Humor

"The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic."
Difference

"The most dangerous food is wedding cake."
Food

"The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road."
Knowledge

"My opposition to Interviews lies in the fact that offhand answers have little value or grace of expression, and that such oral give and take helps to perpetuate the decline of the English language."
Answers

"Love is what you've been through with somebody."
Love

"Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything."
Laughter

"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
Humor

"Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead."
Bed

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
Breeding
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