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"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic."
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"Treacherous people do not last only memories of their treason last.So will it last with emotions mixed, of love and hate for treacherous ones."

"Marriage has many pains but celibacy has no pleasures."

"Marriage is one sweet way in which one can taste heaven on earth. Similarly, I can also become hell on earth."

"Now is the time when you see people which you know... but they start ignoring you... and how do you deal with that?"

"The friend that always finds time to spend with you without consulting his or her calendar is a true friend."

"... Good gracious, Jerry, you'll probably have to marry the girl.'Joanna was half serious, half laughing.It was at that moment that I made a very important discovery.'Damn it all,' I said. 'I don't mind if I do. In fact - I should like it.'A very funny expression came over Joanna's face. She got up and said dryly, as she went toward the door, 'Yes, I've known that for some time...'She left me standing, glass in hand, aghast at my new discovery."

"Amazing relationships aren't about making one perfect choice in your choice of partner. They're about the infinite amount of choices you make in each conflict, each conversation, and each moment to open yourself and to stay open, even when it's hard."

"That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you."

"I wasn't in love with her. And she didn't love me. For me the question of love was irrelevant. What I sought was the sense of being tossed about by some raging, savage force, in the midst of which lay something absolutely crucial. I had no idea what that was. But I wanted to thrust my hand right inside her body and touch it, whatever it was."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you""about it being electrical. She put her hand out, touched his arm; she felt guilty, seeing the effect it had on him, the change."No," Rick said. "I'm glad to know. Or rather""" He became silent. "I'd prefer to know."
Explore more quotes by Woody Allen

"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."

"I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.'"

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."

"Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college."

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

"What is fascinating is that it is physical. You know, that's one thing about intellectuals, they've proved that you can be absolute brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand, the body doesn't lie, as we now know. Nono, it'll be great, because all of those ph.Ds are in there, like, discussing modes of alienation, and we'll be in here quietly humping."
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