"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend."

Mother, Friend

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"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend."

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Explore more quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."

Argument

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

Being

"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."

Luck

"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife."

Wife

"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."

People

"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."

Wife

"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Parents

"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."

Age

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

Opinion

"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."

Mother