"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."

Absurdity, Humor, Loss, Irony

30

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Humor, Identity, Confusion

"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Performance

"What is existence for but to be laughed at if men in their twenties have already attained the utmost?"

Soren Kierkegaard, Danish Philosopher

Absurdity, Existence, Youth, Achievement

"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Absurdity, Philosophy, Irony, Death

"Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works."

Sherman Alexie, American Writer

Absurdity, Death, Food, Ritual

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Irony, Wit

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Authority, Rebellion

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Justice, Identity, Humor

"You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Violence, Reaction

"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Hobbies, Nature, Observation, Life

Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts."

Desire

"Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes."

Companionship

"Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me."

Money

"Life's funny. Sometimes it's your oyster, and sometimes you're it's bitch-slapped man-whore."

Life

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."

Irony

"It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine."

Independence

"There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls."

Humor

"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."

Honesty

"If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting."

Temptation

"In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision."

Risk