"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

Absurdity, Hobbies, Nature, Observation, Life

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"I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Irony, Wit

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Chaos, Authority, Rebellion

"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

Kenneth Eade, American Author

Absurdity, Irony, Justice, Identity, Humor

"Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispered, "You're about to find out how your liver tastes, my friend."I have tasted it already, Zacharel said, his voice its usual monotone. The snowflakes began to fall in earnest, tiny at first, but growing in diameter. An arctic wind blustered around him. "It was a bit salty.How the hell was a guy supposed to respond to that?Apparently William didn't know, either, because he gaped at the angel. Then, "Maybe if you added a little pepper?O-kay. It was official. William had an answer for everything."

Gena Showalter, American Novelist

Absurdity, Humor, Violence, Dialogue

"It was like being at an Arabian hoedown with a band of psychedelic hillbillies (p. 171)."

Patti Smith, American Musician

Absurdity, Imagery, Humor, Surrealism

"Flowers are evil, because they live just to die for the love of other people. You don't believe me? Try it for yourself and see if you'll be good afterwards. Undeath is a way of life, for some things. That doesn't make it good or anything. Especially anything. Nothing makes anything anything. Because nothing is a serious matter, and anything just is."

Will Advise, Bulgarian Author

Absurdity, Philosophy, Irony, Death

"Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?"

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Absurdity, Humor, Identity, Confusion

"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Performance

"If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him."

Alan Moore, British Writer

Absurdity, Love, Sacrifice, Extreme, Irony

"I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister."

Lois Greiman, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Loss, Irony

Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

People

"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."

Argument

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

Failure

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"

Gender

"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell."

Irony

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

Comedy

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."

Humor

"Why isn't the word 'phonetically spelled with an 'f?"

Language

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."

Irony

"I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them."

Politics