"Don't blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there's this new club called civilization and you guys should join."

Satire, Civilization, Sarcasm, Critique, Humor

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"Don't blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there's this new club called civilization and you guys should join."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Leisure, Writing, Literature, Profession

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

Stephen King, American Author

Satire, Politics, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Commerce, Freedom, God

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Satire, News, Despair, Disaster, War

"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"

Jane Austen, British Writer

Satire, Insult, Humor, Masculinity, Absurdity

"New York is a sucked orange."

Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet

Satire, City, Metaphor

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Satire, Depression, Poverty, Humor, Survival

"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Satire, Liberty, Politics, Irony

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Satire, Ignorance, Truth, Idea, Action

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Humor, Religion, Ignorance, Critique

Explore more quotes by Becca Fitzpatrick

"Jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape."

Humor

"What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed."

Humor

"Just because I've gone and snagged myself a hot boyfriend doesn't mean I'm going to leave my bestfriend high and dry."

Loyalty

"I missed you, Angel. Not one day went by that I didn't feel you missing from my life. You haunted me to the point that I began to believe Hank had gone back on his oath and killed you. I saw your ghost in everything. I couldn't escape you and I didn't want to. You tortured me, but it was better than losing you."

Loss

"Nothing makes me happy quite like a boatload of freshly fried fast food, smothered in good old MSG."

Food

"I like having you around, Britt. That's the truth. I'm not leaving you. Even if you were a pain in the butt, I'd stay with you. It's the right thing to do. But it turns out I find you likable and interesting, and while I'm not glad you have to go through this, I'm glad we have each other."

Friendship

"Sure thing, Gumdrop."

Humor

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Exlpore more Satire quotes

"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."

"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."

"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"

"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"

"New York is a sucked orange."

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."

"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Explore more quotes by Becca Fitzpatrick

"Jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape."

"What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed."

"Just because I've gone and snagged myself a hot boyfriend doesn't mean I'm going to leave my bestfriend high and dry."

"The problem with human attraction is not knowing if it will be returned."

"I'm doing boy detox. Like a diet, only for my emotional health."

"Scared, Angel?"

"Nothing makes me happy quite like a boatload of freshly fried fast food, smothered in good old MSG."

"I like having you around, Britt. That's the truth. I'm not leaving you. Even if you were a pain in the butt, I'd stay with you. It's the right thing to do. But it turns out I find you likable and interesting, and while I'm not glad you have to go through this, I'm glad we have each other."

"Sure thing, Gumdrop."