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"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
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"Treacherous people do not last only memories of their treason last.So will it last with emotions mixed, of love and hate for treacherous ones."
"Marriage is one sweet way in which one can taste heaven on earth. Similarly, I can also become hell on earth."
"Now is the time when you see people which you know... but they start ignoring you... and how do you deal with that?"
"... Good gracious, Jerry, you'll probably have to marry the girl.'Joanna was half serious, half laughing.It was at that moment that I made a very important discovery.'Damn it all,' I said. 'I don't mind if I do. In fact - I should like it.'A very funny expression came over Joanna's face. She got up and said dryly, as she went toward the door, 'Yes, I've known that for some time...'She left me standing, glass in hand, aghast at my new discovery."
"I wasn't in love with her. And she didn't love me. For me the question of love was irrelevant. What I sought was the sense of being tossed about by some raging, savage force, in the midst of which lay something absolutely crucial. I had no idea what that was. But I wanted to thrust my hand right inside her body and touch it, whatever it was."
"There is a right way and a wrong way to make contact with God."
"Stand together yet not too near together:For the pillars of the temples stand apart,And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow."
"He wasn't the type for displays of affection, either verbal or not. He was disgusted by couples that made out in the hallways between classes, and got annoyed at even the slightest sappy moments in movies. But I knew he cared about me: he just conveyed it more subtly, as concise with expressing this emotion as he was with everything else. It was in the way he'd put his hand on the small of my back, for instance, or how he'd smile at me when I said something that surprised him. Once I might have wanted more, but I'd come around to his way of thinking in the time we'd been together. And we were together, all the time. So he didn't have to prove how he felt about me. Like so much else, I should just know."
"Why?Why?Do you follow me and then unfollow me?Do you add me as a friend and then delete me?"
"He had never thought the question over clearly, but vaguely imagined that his wife had long suspected him of being unfaithful to her and was looking the other way. It even seemed to him that she, a worn-out, aged, no longer beautiful woman, not remarkable for anything, simple, merely a kind mother of a family, ought in all fairness to be indulgent. It turned out to be quite the opposite."
Explore more quotes by Woody Allen
"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
"Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college."
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
"What is fascinating is that it is physical. You know, that's one thing about intellectuals, they've proved that you can be absolute brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand, the body doesn't lie, as we now know. Nono, it'll be great, because all of those ph.Ds are in there, like, discussing modes of alienation, and we'll be in here quietly humping."
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