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"I hear they're all infected with chlamydia, which just goes to show that you really can't tell who's got the clam. I mean, look at a picture of a koala, tell me you're not shocked."
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"My parents were very permissive when it came to animals. As long as we earned the money to buy them and built whatever structure it was they were going to live in, we could have any kind of pet we wanted. They would have let us have a rhinoceros if we could have afforded it."
"Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers."
"Brute animals have the vowel sounds; man only can utter consonants."
Explore more quotes by Elle Lothlorien
"I grimace, thinking someone should come up with a new phrase for 'I left the ocean without a kiwi-sized chunk of my lower-left butt cheek' to replace the rather nebulous term 'exploratory bite."
"I look around briefly at the other players like I always do before a game. Other than Queenie, Bill, and Talon, I don't know any of them (and I don't care enough about them to know them). But if there's going to be any cordiality, any forced politeness or 'Aw, shucks, let's all just try to have a good time here tonight' kind of blather, then now's the time to get it out of the way before I get down to the business of screwing everyone out of their hopes and dreams."
"This is from the queen? And you say it's for a mouse? I'm sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn't allow any pets except for service animals."
"I'm almost afraid to tell you. Let's put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country."
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
"Would you like to hear about the fascinating things lizards can do if you chew off their tails?"
"Oh, Alice, you haven't even had a taste of my romantic streak yet. And when the time's right I don't think I'll have to 'try' to have my way with you. I just WILL."
"Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don't think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely."
"You're in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you're asking 'why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS."
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