"Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie."

"If Jarod Kintz was a cat, he'd stalk people silently and deadly. Right now, all he does is bark at them for no good reason, like all the good people do."

"I am the most pious person in the room. Even though I have no pie - I have pizza, and what can be more virtuous than eating all by yourself?"

"Youir're doing this wrong."

"Love is always more than friendship."

"To have the wisdom is rarely achieved by seeking the knowledge."

"Why work today? I'll take Tuesday on, just like I took Monday off. That's just the kind of dedicated worker I am."