"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps."

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects."

"Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up."

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'"

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."