"This would not be a problem if I were driving a snowplow."

"If you hack the Vatican server, have you tampered in God's domain?"

"Where can I get some tat? I'd like to trade it in."

"There are two types of people in the world, and I'm one of them."

"The difference between tragedy and comedy: Tragedy is something awful happening to somebody else, while comedy is something awful happening to somebody else."

"Lawyers are the first refuge of the incompetent."

"The way to a man's heart is through his chest."

"Any sufficiently badly-written science is indistinguishable from magic."

"I really can't complain about actresses who get paid to be dumb. Most of us can't get paid to be smart."

"The principle of Sturgeon's Razor states that the simplest answer to any problem is 90% crap."

"Feminism is sort of like God. Many people profess to believe in it, but no one seems to be able to define it to everyone's satisfaction."

"I'm content to stand on tradition. I'm even more content to wipe my feet on it."

"Luck consists largely of hanging on by your fingernails until things start to go your way."

"Life is like an analogy."

"Violence is the first refuge of the violent."