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"The difference between tragedy and comedy: Tragedy is something awful happening to somebody else, while comedy is something awful happening to somebody else."
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"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."
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"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."
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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
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"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
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"Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes."
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"There's always been physical suffering in comedy."
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"Partly because the town is just finicky, there are strange Catch 22 clauses in the consciousness of this community and one of them was that you, I found out, you can't do a comedy unless you've just done a comedy."
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"The principle of Sturgeon's Razor states that the simplest answer to any problem is 90% crap."
Principle
"If you hack the Vatican server, have you tampered in God's domain?"
God
"Where can I get some tat? I'd like to trade it in."
Tat
"There are two types of people in the world, and I'm one of them."
People
"Lawyers are the first refuge of the incompetent."
Lawyers
"This would not be a problem if I were driving a snowplow."
Driving
"I really can't complain about actresses who get paid to be dumb. Most of us can't get paid to be smart."
Actresses
"The way to a man's heart is through his chest."
Heart
"Luck consists largely of hanging on by your fingernails until things start to go your way."
Luck
"Any sufficiently badly-written science is indistinguishable from magic."
Science
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