"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

People, Football, Now

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"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

Exlpore more People quotes

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author

People, Man, Respect

"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

Samuel Johnson, English Author

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"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French Writer

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"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French Writer

People, Faults

"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

Dean Koontz, American Author

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"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

Dean Koontz, American Author

People, Entertainment, Struggle, Support

"Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name."

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, French Writer

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"Most people are nice and just want to have a chat."

Ben Nicholas, Australian Actor

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

Work, Mortality, Pretty

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

Children,

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

Love, Gambling

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

Cause,

"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

Dogs,

"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

Life, Women, Sex

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

Fun, Machine, Want, Will

"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"

Friendship, Friend, Want

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

Tennis,

"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

Word, Words