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"I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?"
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"Sometimes I wonder if I got lulled into not wanting things because I grew up black in this country."
"Commuting from New York to Hollywood to do this show gets more interesting every week. Before I used to think the country was just New York on one end and Los Angeles on the other, with sand and mountains in the middle."
"We were surprised that the television series had the kind of longevity that it had after only four years of filming it and the reception in 6 countries around the world was quite extraordinary."
"To the lover of wilderness, Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world."
"I believed in Bobby Kennedy. Campaigning for him was an attempt to give back something to this country that has given me so much."
"Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral."
"Singing is not indulged in by Rotary clubs of some countries and all clubs are given full privilege to do as they please about including it in their programs."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my e-mail, and the next thing I know it's three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody's pierced my dick."
"New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids."
"New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here's what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here's what they don't know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I'd join the Tea Party."
"A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out."
"If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake--it's a glass of ice cream."
"New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we're Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there's no stopping us until we're licking stray bits of powdered cheese off the carpet. So stop trying to give us nutritional information based on a fraction of the package. It assumes a talent for two things that we're really not capable of: restraint and math."
"For months in the fall of 2001, our highways looked like a county fair on wheels. 'Look out, Al-Qaeda---patriot on board!' I once saw a guy with five flags tell a guy with four flags to go back to Afghanistan."
"New Rule: You can't force the ATM to do something it doesn't want to do. Excuse me, lady in front of me at the Citibank ATM, but you've been standing there punching buttons for ten minutes--what are you trying to do, write a novel on it? You hear those beeping noises? That's the ATM saying, 'Stop it, you're hurting me.' A chicken would have gotten forty bucks out of that thing by now just by pecking the buttons randomly."
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