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"Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
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"The price of greatness is responsibility."
Responsibility
"Really I feel less keen about the Army every day. I think the Church would suit me better."
Identity
"It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link of the chain of destiny can be handled at a time."
Destiny
"For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself."
Politics
"Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result."
Humor
"I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality by contact with this great novel land of yours which sticks up out of the Atlantic."
Inspirational
"The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst."
Humor
"War is mainly a catalogue of blunders."
War
"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
Truth
"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."
Attitude
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