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"Funding for the Special Operations Network comes directly from the government. Most work is centralized, but all of the SpecOps divisions have local representatives to keep a watchful eye on any provincial problems. They are administered by local commanders, who liaise with the national offices for information exchange, guidance and policy decisions. Like any other big government department, it looks good on paper but is an utter shambles. Petty infighting and political agendas, arrogance and sheer bloody-mindedness almost guarantees that the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing."
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"Now, come over here so I can pat you down.""But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure."He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down."You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?""Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid."

"But in Africa bureaucrats are usually too proud to accept a bribe, something I admire when I'm not the one being arrested."

"I've never been married and I've no more desire to be married now than I ever have. I hate bureaucracy and I am not religious."

"It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money."

"The disease which inflicts bureaucracy and what they usually die from is routine."

"If possible, try to avoid pushing each other over the edge, as that would cause me extra paperwork."

"The only problem that ever really seems to bother empire builders is bureaucracy. Before a new colony on the frontier could be founded, the Senate and Triumvirate would have to pass the plan. Factors influencing the High Lords decision would include, among others, the number of people needed to found the colony and whether this would result in any significant population shift. Another, more critical factor would be whether Tactical Defense could spare the ships or the manpower to patrol the area."

"Twenty-first century medicine must not be confined to a twentieth-century bureaucracy."

"Americans spend 3 billion hours per year filling out tax forms and keeping tax records."

"Lefever describes his financing plan with modesty:"'Our detailed budget is realistic, but does not take into account the inflation that may occur before September 1983. The one place it could cut or reduce is item 7, the simultaneous interpreter services, if these services could be provided gratis by the U.S. government.'""In other words, the only way to make a saving on a U.S.-subsidized project is to take money out of another U.S.-subsidized column."
Explore more quotes by Jasper Fforde

"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

"I was in '78 recently," he announced. "I brought you this."He handed me a single by the Beatles. I didn't recognize the title."Didn't they split in '70?""Not always. How are things?"

"How about this,' I said. 'We modify our plans with regard to ongoing facts as they become known to us, then remodify them as the situation unfolds. 'You mean make it all up as we go along?' asked Perkins.'Right."

"Those that can be troubled to muse upon the meaning of life are general disappointed when they figure it out."

"I liked him, but since his particular field of interest was Remote Suggestion--the skill of projecting thoughts into people's heads from a distance--I didn't know whether I actually liked him or he was just suggesting I like him, which was both creepy and unethical. In fact, the whole Remote Suggestion or "seeding" idea had been banned once it was discovered to be the key ingredient in promoting talent less boy bands, which had until then been something of a mystery."

"Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms-of life, of love, of knowledge-has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath."

"Believe me, you're going to have to do much worse than this--in the pursuit of freedom, the innocents will suffer--and at your hands."
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