"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."

Mother, Pain

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"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."

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"The longest tenured First LOVE and Greatest TEACHER, in-fact life long, is none the other, but Mother."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

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"People who lost their mother should be careful about committing crime, because probably no one else is praying to save you."

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"Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequence than to have a really affectionate mother."

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"Now I have children of my own. They ask their mother what will I be. Will I be handsome, will I be rich?"

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"The babe at first feeds upon the mother's bosom, but it is always on her heart."

Henry Ward Beecher, American Clergyman

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"A mother's love is more beautiful than any fresh flower."

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"That was his mother. When she wasn't crying over the breakfast cereal, she was laughing about killing herself."

Nick Hornby, English Writer

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Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."

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"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."

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"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."

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"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."

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"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."

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"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."

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"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

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"You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type."

Blood

"I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?"

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"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

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