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"I would recommend that anyone who wants to do comedy on TV to do radio first."
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"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
"He's a love-'em-and-leave-'em kind of guy. And though he's not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.William growled low in his throat. "Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone? He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. "Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya's the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. "William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel."
"The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain."
"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."
Explore more quotes by David Walliams
"I'm terribly attention-seeking. It's very different once you get all this attention, though. Because then you want to control it. And you can't exactly."
"I know somebody from university who's called Phil Collins and I think there's something terribly unfortunate about sharing a name With somebody who either is famous or becomes famous."
"I don't have a lot to share with other men. My heart sinks when I get into a taxi and someone starts talking to me about football."
"I don't get recognized much, and am very happy with that. The fans I have met have all been delightful."
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