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Henny Youngman

"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."

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"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."

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Donna Grant

"The body was weak, it can't move it can't do anything. It was like a junkie or a robot which is off, the body was in terrible condition. This wasn't a robot, this was a human a real human which suicided a human which his body was swollen!"

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Donna Grant

"I thought maybe if she could express herself rather than suffer herself, if she had a way to relieve the burden, she lived for nothing more than living, with nothing to get inspired by, to care for, to call her own, she helped out at the store, then came home and sat in her big chair and stared at her magazines, not at them but through them, she let the dust accumulate on her shoulders."

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Donna Grant

"But how to explain suffering because of a man? It's not explainable. With that kind of suffering, a person feels as if they're in hell, because there is no nobility, no greatness - only misery."

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Donna Grant

"Suffering is a misunderstanding."

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Donna Grant

"Tragedy descends, and in the carnage our enraged cynicism screams 'If there was a God, He would not have allowed this!' And somehow we've conveniently forgotten that once upon a time He allowed us to tell Him to go away, and once upon that time we allowed ourselves to take Him up on that offer."

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Donna Grant

"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Discharge [disposal of karma] is in nature's hands. That's why there is restlessness. That is why these are the pains of dependency [association]. There are such times man has to face that it becomes difficult for him to pass even one hour."

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Donna Grant

"There is much pain that is quite noiseless; and vibrations that make human agonies are often a mere whisper in the roar of hurrying existence. There are glances of hatred that stab and raise no cry of murder; robberies that leave man or woman forever beggared of peace and joy, yet kept secret by the sufferer-committed to no sound except that of low moans in the night, seen in no writing except that made on the face by the slow months of suppressed anguish and early morning tears. Many an inherited sorrow that has marred a life has been breathed into no human ear."

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Donna Grant

"Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands."

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Donna Grant

"We suffer in silence."

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Henny Youngman
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."

Worth

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Henny Youngman
"That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!"

Time

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Henny Youngman
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."

Love

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Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Wife

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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Drink

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Henny Youngman
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."

Money

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Henny Youngman
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

Man

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Henny Youngman
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

Mother

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Henny Youngman
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."

Help

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Henny Youngman
"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."

Mother

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