"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."

Money, Sex, Will

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"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."

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"A drunkard would not give money to sober people. He said they would only eat it, and buy clothes and send their children to school with it."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

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"Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

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"It is not important how much money you gave away. It is important what good it will do on the way."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

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"The Bible does not say money is the root of all evil; it says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. A poor man who, in his heart, worships the idea of being rich is more vulnerable to its evils than a rich man who has a heart to use it all for the Lord."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

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"A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust."

Oliver Wendell Holmes, American Writer

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"I think the person who takes a job in order to live - that is to say, for the money - has turned himself into a slave."

Joseph Campbell, American Author

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"Money should be ones demand and not command, one should not become a slave of Money because we made money to help us trade and not to make us, we're already made even without money."

Auliq Ice, Ugandan Economist

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"Money is the last enemy that shall never be subdued. While there is flesh there is money or the want of money, but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

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"A man never grows out of wanting and desiring money that follows him through life."

Auliq Ice, Ugandan Economist

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"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."

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"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"

Men

"Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."

Hope

"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

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"Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution."

Life

"For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!"

Time

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."

War

"Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors."

Actor

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

Work

"The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets."

Crime