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"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
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Explore more quotes by Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
Exlpore more Washington quotes
"Only in Washington does a decrease in the proposed increase equal a spending cut."
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Personal Development
"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father.""
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Personal Development
"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
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Personal Development
"There's a Washington standard of casually putting things off the record. It's really gone too far. I don't know an easy way to turn it back."
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"I was born in Washington, D.C., and I was raised in Milwaukee."
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"The most difficult owner for me was the late George Marshall of Washington."
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"Voters definitely believe Washington is corrupt - but most think it's bipartisan."
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"I grew up in a trailer park in Bellingham, Washington."
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Personal Development
"Like they said about The West Wing, you can't do a show about Washington until you can."
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Personal Development
"Mix one part Denzel Washington and two parts Eva Mendes and you have a nice hot cocktail."
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Personal Development
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