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"Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take."
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"With regard to navigating relationship's highways and bi-ways - avoid changing lanes without first giving a signal."

"Never give anyone the advice to buy or sell shares, because the most benevolent price of advice can turn out badly."

"Never take advice about never taking advice. That is an old vice of men - to dish it out without being able to take it - the blind leading the blind into more blindness."

"Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable. Never drink when you are wretched without it, or you will be like the grey-faced gin-drinker in the slum; but drink when you would be happy without it, and you will be like the laughing peasant of Italy. Never drink because you need it, for this is rational drinking, and the way to death and hell. But drink because you do not need it, for this is irrational drinking, and the ancient health of the world."

"Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me."

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate."
Explore more quotes by Josh Billings

"Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at."

"It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too."

"I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money."

"Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do."

"When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him."
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