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"It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special."
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"Clinton used to like to get out of the White House a lot. He would take night trips to McDonald's, and stuff like that. I think he wanted to get out of the house."

"It was in the Seventies but I still recall what was a good night for my club. Of course, the stadium has changed now but I have heard that the atmosphere is still the same."

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

"We had a big party that night and everybody went around gathering results from various precincts and each person would get four or five precincts and then come to the house. There were no cell phones or anything to get results phoned in early."

"Yeah, I was a local hero. It was great for me, 'cos I had a full house every night all night seven nights a week for five years that I played. The next five years I just played five days a week, but I still had a full house every night."

"If you feel like you're getting into a rut with a song, a night off usually fixes it."

"I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently, because Lyndon Johnson is my president."

"We had high and boisterous winds last night and this morning: the Indians continue to purchase repairs with grain of different kinds."
Explore more quotes by Todd Barry


"I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right."


"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."


"Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself."


"I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport."


"I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year."
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