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"It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special."
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"When we got knocked out against Porto in the Champions League, I only slept two hours that night. I was not a nice person to be with after that match. I was struggling to get the result out of my system."

"As the blackness of the night recedes so does the nadir of yesterday. The child I am forgets so quickly."

"I'll have to have a room of my own. Nobody could sleep with Dick. He wakes up during the night, switches on the lights, speaks into his tape recorder."

"I do miss Saturday Night Live, that's for sure. There's nothing like it. I just hosted, and I felt I'd only been away for a week."

"Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything."

"We then went through the audition process and picked a guy named Richard Campbell and he is no secret to L.A. players as he was with Natalie Cole for years and Three Dog Night."

"The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost."

"One night last summer, all the killers in my head assembled on a stage in Massachusetts to sing show tunes."
Explore more quotes by Todd Barry


"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."


"I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it."


"I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right."


"I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work."


"Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself."
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