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"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
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Exlpore more Night quotes
"The night I announced I was getting married, Daddy paced for hours on the porch."
"One night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up."
"I try something new every night. It's an hour show; if it works I maybe try it a few more times and then move that off and try something new. It's a great workshop for me."
"You noticed from last night, we only did two from the 80s. And our set's two hours long."
"The night creeps in by subtle degrees while a show of fierce colors attracts and distracts me. I look up, suddenly aware of remote lights scattered overhead. I gasp as the last streak of fire dies on the horizon, and I comprehend it all too late. That crafty, dark night has swallowed my world whole."
"It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night."
"Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen!"
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
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