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"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
Dream
"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."
Soccer
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
Wrong
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
Drugs
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
Gambling
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Girlfriend
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
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"Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues."
Author Name
Personal Development
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