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"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."
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"Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues."
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Personal Development
"You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You're gonna be like Aquaman? she asked. "Get the fish to fight for you?"Thanks, Percy said. "I haven't heard enough Aquaman jokes for one lifetime."
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Personal Development
"I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
Work
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
Love
"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."
Dogs
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
Life
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
Fun
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
Friendship
"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."
Word
"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."
People
"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day."
Day
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