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"I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."
Love
"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."
Job
"Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there."
Mistake
"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."
Now
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead."
Food
"Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Relationship
"Marriage is the death of hope."
Death
"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable."
Life
"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?"
Dream
"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."
Life
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