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"Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me."
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"A child educated only at school is an uneducated child."
"I went out to visit Dorsey Burnette, after I graduated high school."
"High school, you don't want to go back and do it over again."
"The NAACP was even considering earlier this summer reassessing their position on school integration."
"Going to school is an everyday process; it isn't something we accomplish and are all done with."
"I just have a position that any child that's in a failing school should be able to get out, or be in a position to have that school fixed."
"When I was in high school, I became interested in cytochemistry: chemical analysis under the microscope, and trying to understand the composition of cells."
Explore more quotes by Conan O'Brien
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
"Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity."
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
"Apparently the new high-tech Star Wars toys will be in stores any day now. The toys can talk and are interactive, so they can be easily distinguished from Star Wars fans."
"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
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