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Henny Youngman

"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

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"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

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Amber Hurdle

"Fishes live in the sea, as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the little ones."

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Amber Hurdle

"Lord, Lord, how subject we old men are to this vice of lying!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Women's liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one is likely to do anything about that."

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Amber Hurdle

"Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is so much of good in human nature that men grow to like each other upon better acquaintance, and this points to another way in which we may strive to promote the peace of the world."

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Amber Hurdle

"Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation."

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Amber Hurdle

"Like pictures, men should be judged by their merits and not by their defects."

Men,
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Amber Hurdle

"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."

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Amber Hurdle

"Old men are dangerous: it doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the world."

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Amber Hurdle

"Cruelty to men and to the lower animals as well, which would have passed unnoticed a century ago, now shocks the sensibilities and is regarded as wicked and degrading."

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Henny Youngman
"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
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Henny Youngman
"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."
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Henny Youngman
"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
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Henny Youngman
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."
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Henny Youngman
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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Henny Youngman
"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
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Henny Youngman
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
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Henny Youngman
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
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Henny Youngman
"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving."
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