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"It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are."
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"People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant."

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"The Iraqis have once again failed to meet a deadline for a final draft of the constitution."

"Not a lot of conservatives on this list. Are more liberals than conservatives screwing up America?"

"I get letters from women, and they say, 'I love your Roman nose.' If I weren't on TV and I walked past that same woman, she'd go, 'Did you see the beak on that guy?"

"It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are."
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