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"It's funny how most activists are pacifists."
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"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
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"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
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"Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one."
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"I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time."
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"Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it."
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"I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over."
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"We have actors from other films, from 'Baywatch,' and so on, and these people are looking exactly the opposite of what they are. The transformations were so smooth, and so funny to watch, it was unbelievable."
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"I walked in thinking, 'I have ten movies under my belt and now they want me to go back to making commercials?' I said, if I do that, I want it to be funny."
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"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
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"Even IBM can't stand in the way of progress... for more than a decade."
Progress

"The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion."
Consciousness

"It's funny how most activists are pacifists."
Funny

"Why are people unemployed? Because there is no work. Why is there no work? Because people are not buying products and services. Why are people not buying products and services? Because they have no money. Why do people have no money? Because they are unemployed."
Money

"I am woman, hear me bitch."
Woman

"Live every day as if it is your last, and you'll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be."
Day

"'Programming' is a four-letter word."
Word

"You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for."
Waiting

"Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration; just think how many bombs that would buy!"
Money

"When you are finished with it, put it back in the first place that you looked for it."
First
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