"A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club."

Humor, Intelligence, Nature, Judgment

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"A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Leg, Respect

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Humor, Words

Explore more quotes by Stephen King

"The truth is that most writers are needy."

Wisdom, Needs, Truth, Writing

"What you love, you must love all the harder because someday it will be gone."

Love, Future, Power, Happiness, Today

"She ran out of her marriage the way a woman can run out of a pair of sandals when she decides to let go and really dash."

Life, Today, Happiness, Inspirational, Truth

"It would not do to tell other people, not just because they wouldn't believe but because they wouldn't care."

Mind, Truth, Belief, Care, Perception

"A person can go along quite awhile if they get a good day every once and again."

Perseverance, Happiness, Today, Wisdom

"Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings."

Wisdom, Writing, Editing, Ego, Courage

"Remember Stephen King's First Rule of Writers and Agents, learned by bitter personal experience: You don't need one until you're making enough for someone to steal ... and if you're making that much, you'll be able to take your pick of good agents."

Writing, Truth, Wisdom, Power, Today

"In nightmares we can think the worst. That's what they're for, I guess."

Fear, Regret, Today, Truth, Wisdom

"When Annie's treatin, you best be eatin."

Community, Humor, Happiness, Today, Truth

"If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that."

Writing, Wisdom, Truth, Power, Today