"Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year."

Satire, Absurdity, Humor, Sarcasm, Fiction

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"Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year."

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"Oh, brothers! I don't care for brothers. My elder brother won't die, and my younger brothers seem never to do anything else."

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"What are you doing in a fast lane, snail?"

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

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"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

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"Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious."

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"They were new money, without a doubt: so new it shrieked. Their clothes looked as it they'd covered themselves in glue, then rolled around in hundred-dollar bills."

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"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."

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"Historian: an unsuccessful novelist."

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"Outside the family circle, papa, I'm glad to say, is entirely unknown. I think that is quite as it should be. The home seems to me to be the proper sphere for the man."

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Explore more quotes by Gena Showalter

"Her little fists pummeled at him, and he accepted the abuse. Until he realized she'd made an improper fist and was actually hurting herself. He wound an arm around her waist, spun her and slammed her into the hard line of his body to still her."Let me go!"In a minute. As she struggled, he pulled her thumb out from beneath her fingers and rearranged her fist. "Hit like this. Done, he released her."

Guidance

"And the peace! The most magnificent peace. I lose myself in a place where time no longer exists and nothing is impossible. I can do anything I imagine. I can fight and win any war. Nothing frightens me, because I know I'm here for a reason; and I'm not alone. I have friends in high places. Friends here. Friends up there. Victory is mine."

Confidence

"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date. 1. You're wearing that? 2. Something smells funny. 3. Where's the Tylenol? 4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother. 5. I have a confession to make. 6. My dad has a suit just like that. 7. That man is hot. Look at him. 8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever. 9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"

Humor

"Feelings are fleeting, no matter how eart-shattering they seem; they never last, always change."

Impermanence

"I'll take the cemetery," Kane said. He didn't sound excited. Rather, he sounded resigned. "The club might collapse if I go."

Resignation

"He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check "big show, I wasn't!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe. Or even hazel. Either way, wow, just wow. Deer? Headlights? Hi, I'm Ali."

Attraction

"Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,' Paris muttered."

Affection

"What do you think is the problem? You're a cute kid-uh, guy. Man. You're a cuteman."

Humor

"That means life itself is a fairy tale. Like the characters, we all live and love and search for a happily-ever-after."

Fantasy

"Happy to say you passed the sobriety test. Sad to say you failed the asshole test."

Character