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"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
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Exlpore more Night quotes
"The night creeps in by subtle degrees while a show of fierce colors attracts and distracts me. I look up, suddenly aware of remote lights scattered overhead. I gasp as the last streak of fire dies on the horizon, and I comprehend it all too late. That crafty, dark night has swallowed my world whole."
"I wasn't really qualified to be on Saturday Night Live - I'm not like an impressionist or anything."
"I was working at this club in downtown L.A. from four to eight at night, just Eddie Rubin, the drummer, and I."
"It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone."
"One or two of the trips were a bit scary. Soldiers had me at gun point on one trip, locked me in my van all night and escorted me in and out of buildings when I wanted to wash."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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