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"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."
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"I started working around eigth grade. I remember doing a Doritos commercial where there were four days in a row of eating them, and I will tell you, I have not eaten many Doritos since."
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Personal Development
"I can't walk by chocolate without eating it."
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Personal Development
"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar."
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Personal Development
"You get so weak from eating pears that you fall down, and then they come and take you away on a stretcher."
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Personal Development
"I was not created to be occupied by eating delicious foods like tied up cattle."
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Personal Development
"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
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Personal Development
"When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less."
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Personal Development
"Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going."
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Personal Development
"Dinner was made for eating, not for talking."
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Personal Development
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"Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on."
Money
"I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy."
Trust
"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"
Marriage
"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."
Business
"The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country."
Death
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
Being
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
Man
"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."
People
"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."
Parenting
"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."
Iraq
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