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"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."
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"Eating coals of fire has always been one of the sensational feats of the Fire Kings, as it is quite generally known that charcoal burns with an extremely intense heat."

"I am inclined to think that eating is a private thing and should be done alone, like other bodily functions."

"I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts."

"Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going."

"Zac Efron would make us feel guilty for eating big dinners. He'd say, "Do you really want to eat those carbs?" It was like, "Thanks a lot!""

"I never felt that getting angry would do you any good other than hurt your own digestion, keep you from eating, which I liked to do."

"He who looks in the crystal ball ends up eating glass... They're way, way close."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller

"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."

"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."

"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."

"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."

"Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on."

"It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity."
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