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"You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven."
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"I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts."

"I never felt that getting angry would do you any good other than hurt your own digestion, keep you from eating, which I liked to do."

"But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy."

"Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller

"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy."

"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"

"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."

"The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens."

"Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet."

"It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity."
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