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Jay Leno

"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

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"Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate."

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Amber Hurdle

"In war, when a commander becomes so bereft of reason and perspective that he fails to understand the dependence of arms on Divine guidance, he no longer deserves victory."

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Amber Hurdle

"In war there is no prize for runner-up."

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Amber Hurdle

"War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength."

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Amber Hurdle

"War is evil, but it is often the lesser evil."

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Amber Hurdle

"The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it."

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Amber Hurdle

"Look now -- in all of history men have been taught that killing of men is an evil thing not to be countenanced. Any man who kills must be destroyed because this is a great sin, maybe the worst we know. And then we take a soldier and put murder in his hands and we say to him, "use it well, use it wisely." We put no checks on him. Go out and kill as many of a certain kind or classification of your brothers as you can. And we will reward you for it because it is a violation of your early training."

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Amber Hurdle

"There were people who gave everything they had to the war because it was the last war and by winning it we would remove war like a thorn from the flesh of the world and there wouldn't be any more such horrible nonsense."

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Amber Hurdle

"That's the attractive thing about war, said Rosewater. "Absolutely everybody gets a little something."

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Amber Hurdle

"Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week."

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Amber Hurdle

"There was murder, there was rape, there were unspeakable practices, and all of them were for the good, the bloody good, the bloody myth, for the grail, for the Tower."

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Jay Leno
"The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up."
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Jay Leno
"You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch."
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"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."
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Jay Leno
"Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."
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Jay Leno
"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."
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"Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!"
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Jay Leno
"Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors."
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Jay Leno
"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own."
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Jay Leno
"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
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Jay Leno
"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular."
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