"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

Satire, Literature, Market, Humor

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"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

Exlpore more Satire quotes

"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Satire, Russia, Denial, Irony, Humor

"Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts."

Fakeer Ishavardas, Indian Spiritual Leader

Satire, Religion, Critique, Faith

"And his computer's spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word "Internet". Come on; World War Two earned it's capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality."

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Satire, Technology, Isolation, Reality, Critique

"Happiness is a good business these days, more you talk crap about happiness the large number of crowd you will gather."

Santosh Kalwar, Nepalese Poet

Satire, Happiness, Business, Irony, Truth

"Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say 'attaboy'."

Christopher Moore, American Novelist

Satire, Religion, Irony, Humor

"It is difficult not to write satire."

Juvenal, Roman Poet

Satire,

"Logically enough, the office and the nunnery have been singularly popular in the imaginations of pornographers. We should not be surprised to learn that the erotic novels of the early modern period were overwhelmingly focused on debauchery and flagellation amongst clergy in vespers and chapels, just as contemporary Internet pornography is inordinately concerned with fellatios and sodomies performed by office workers against a backdrop of work stations and computer equipment."

Alain de Botton, English Writer

Satire, Religion, Office, Society, Irony

"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."

George Byron, Scottish Poet

Satire, Chivalry, Country, Right, Spain

"Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Weather, Irony, Speech, Fear

"Punctuality is the thief of time."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Satire, Time, Loss, Truth, Irony

Explore more quotes by Jasper Fforde

"Rouge of my heart, intertwined with double-hued destiny,Thread of my thoughts, constant and rubicund legacy,Filament of my future, endeared unto my expectation,Cord of my emotion, seared with eternal elation."

Poetry

"People don't change just because you know more about them."

Reality

"There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back toward a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one..."

Uncertainty

"The best plans are always the simplest."

Simplicity

"Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then - and this is the important bit - do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies."

Deception

"After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more."

Reading

"Keep your head down, Edward. Those that see too much quickly find themselves seeing nothing at all."

Caution

"Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas."

Death

"No one would argue that we owe a debt of gratitude to the Goliath Corporation. They helped us to rebuild after the Second War and it should not be forgotten. Of late, however, it seems as though the Goliath Corporation is falling far short of its promises of fairness and altruism. We are finding ourselves now in the unfortunate position of continuing to pay back a debt that has long since been paid--with interest..."

Accountability

"I didn't set out to discover a truth. I was actually sent to the Outer Fringes to conduct a chair census and learn some humility. But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind."

Discovery