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Phyllis Diller

"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."

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"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."

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Amber Hurdle

"The job description, like most, used complicated words that made job-hopefuls hesitant to apply because it may be out of their range of capability."

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Amber Hurdle

"We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work."

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Amber Hurdle

"And yet, troublingly, there is one difference between 'labour' and other elements [raw materials, machinery] which conventional economics does not have a means to represent, or give weight to, but which is nevertheless unavoidably present in the world: the fact that labour feels pain."

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Amber Hurdle

"A salary is a tax employers pay, every four weeks, for putting an employee's dream on hold."

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Amber Hurdle

"Read the Bible. Work hard and honestly. And don't complain."

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Amber Hurdle

"Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy."

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Amber Hurdle

"Police officers are poorly paid for a very stressful job that has them in very high powered radio frequency (RF) fields and in a daily environment that may result in them being assaulted, maimed or killed."

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Amber Hurdle

"To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job."

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Amber Hurdle

"A specialist's mind is a slave to his specialization."

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Amber Hurdle

"When I worked at the W. M. Keck Observatory on the 13,796 feet very high altitude summit of Mauna Kea, we would routinely be engulfed in cold clouds of helium and nitrogen gas as we discharged it into the video camera systems daily. The management team never warned us that we were in a hazardous oxygen deprived environment during this activity that was known for its ability to adversely affect physical and mental health, and possibly bring on death by asphyxiation."

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Phyllis Diller
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day."
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Phyllis Diller
"The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
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Phyllis Diller
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
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Phyllis Diller
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
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Phyllis Diller
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
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Phyllis Diller
"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."
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Phyllis Diller
"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing."
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Phyllis Diller
"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."
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Phyllis Diller
"There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto."
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Phyllis Diller
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
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