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"I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous."
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"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."
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Personal Development

"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."
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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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Personal Development

"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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Personal Development

"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
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"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
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"Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes."
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Personal Development

"There's always been physical suffering in comedy."
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Personal Development

"Partly because the town is just finicky, there are strange Catch 22 clauses in the consciousness of this community and one of them was that you, I found out, you can't do a comedy unless you've just done a comedy."
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"Yes, it's true, I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare."
Shakespeare

"I've finally found my home - as Lt. Frank Drebin."
Home

"I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble!"
Family

"I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous."
Comedy

"Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished."
Nothing

"The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address."
Forget

"There were 15 people in the village, including five of us. If my father arrested somebody in the winter, he'd have to wait until the thaw to turn him in."
Father

"I wore that same shirt yesterday playing golf. There goes the Nike account."
Golf

"The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh."
Comedy

"There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking."
God
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