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Mitch Hedberg

"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

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"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

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Akshay Vasu

"It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"The word of my lord is the sword for world."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"If you say a word against a 'sensitive' person, it will have an immediate effect. In reality, words are simply a 'record' playing."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I'm the only instrument that's got the words, so I've got to be able to get that across."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"My word fly up my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"I would be a liar if I said it wouldn't be lovely and soothing - that's the word - to have a hit single or a hit album."

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Personal Development

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Akshay Vasu

"Words build bridges into unexplored regions."

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Akshay Vasu

"I never understood a word John Cassavetes said. And I think he did that deliberately."

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Akshay Vasu

"I was a brat. It was crazy, I was very picky. In other words, I didn't take advantage of what was happening."

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Mitch Hedberg
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Gambling

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Mitch Hedberg
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

Sister

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Mitch Hedberg
"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."

Saying

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Mitch Hedberg
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

Children

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Mitch Hedberg
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

Water

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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."

People

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Mitch Hedberg
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."

Life

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Mitch Hedberg
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

Plants

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Mitch Hedberg
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

Fun

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Mitch Hedberg
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."

Girlfriend

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