"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."

Humor, Speech, Will, World

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"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

Explore more quotes by Gene Fowler

"Let us, then, be up and doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labor and to wait."

Heart

"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."

Humor

"The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from."

Success

"For books are more than books, they are the life, the very heart and core of ages past, the reason why men lived and worked and died, the essence and quintessence of their lives."

Life

"Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his mind."

Enemy

"It is easier to believe than to doubt."

Doubt

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Explore more quotes by Gene Fowler

"What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins."

"I believe Mrs. Thatcher's emphasis on enterprise was right."

"Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves."

"Psychoanalysts seem to be long on information and short on application."

"Let us, then, be up and doing, with a heart for any fate; still achieving, still pursuing, learn to labor and to wait."

"I will be brief. Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali, who gave the world's shortest speech. He said I will be so brief I have already finished, and he sat down."

"The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from."

"For books are more than books, they are the life, the very heart and core of ages past, the reason why men lived and worked and died, the essence and quintessence of their lives."

"Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his mind."

"It is easier to believe than to doubt."