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"In days long past, Jarod said he'd write a sentence about my love, translated in Russian, and that sentence, like my love, is clearly not for sale, unlike his virginity, or this book, which I'm both offering at ten times the market value, so hurry up and buy now, before it goes down."
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"A touch of love makes everything better."
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"I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet."

"With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before " namely melt the ice in a wax figure's beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling."

"Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue."

"Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie."

"There's nothing as useful as the truth, in terms of ruining anyone's day, week, month, year, decade, or life Unless, of course, you own a remotely operated automatic flamethrower-drone-tower and have some marinated pork-chops on your person, to lure unsuspecting dogs in close proximity to it, but since dogs don't really have lives - by using this specific method of torture, you can only improve the remaining few seconds of their existence."
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