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"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
Dream

"I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs."
Soccer

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
Wrong

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water

"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
Drugs

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
Gambling

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
