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George Carlin

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

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"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."

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Donna Grant

"A belief in hell and the knowledge that every ambition is doomed to frustration at the hands of a skeleton have never prevented the majority of human beings from behaving as though death were no more than an unfounded rumor."

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Donna Grant

"You are whatever you shall leave behind when you leave life!"

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Donna Grant

"If I die prematurely I shall be saved from being bored to death at my own success."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"It's harder to pick and choose when you're dead. It's like a photograph, you know. It doesn't matter as much."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Fair... You'd be amazed how often I hear that word, Frank Zhang,and how meaningless it is. Is it fair your life will burn so short and bright? Was it fair when I guided your mother to the Underworld? No, not fair. And yet it was her time. There is no fairness in Death. If you free me, I will do my duty."

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Donna Grant

"The "kingdom of Heaven" is a condition of the heart - not something that comes "upon the earth" or "after death.""

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Donna Grant

"To be closed as a person, it's not bad if you know that when this two rules, playing by your rules doesn't mean that you won't end up in jail, security why?We both know that everyone dies... it really doesn't matter who is first... in the end all die!"

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Donna Grant

"He put the car in gear and went, feeling again how easy it had been to slip through an unexpected fissure in what he had considered a solid life- how easy it was to get over onto the dark side, to sail out of the blue and into the black."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"It's not that I've 'faked my own death' as the saying goes. Maybe it's that I've 'faked my own life,' and in doing so I've yet to realize how dead I really am."

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Donna Grant

"Easter is the final solution to the finality of death."

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George Carlin
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Time

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George Carlin
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

Soul

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George Carlin
"I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show."

Memory

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George Carlin
"Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it.Me, I'm still waitin' for Hurricane Ed. Old Ed wouldn't hurt ya, would he? Sounds kinda friendly. 'Hell no, we ain't evacuatin'. Ed's comin'!"

Reflection

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George Carlin
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."

Thought

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George Carlin
"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

Success

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George Carlin
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."

Health

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George Carlin
"My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!"

Childhood

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George Carlin
"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again."

Life

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George Carlin
"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."

Life

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