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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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Personal Development
"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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Personal Development
"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."
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Personal Development
"One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes."
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Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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Personal Development
"Now, if you have never been hit by a flying burrito, count yourself lucky. In terms of deadly projectiles, it's right up there with grenades and cannonballs."
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Personal Development
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
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Personal Development
"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."
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Personal Development
"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."
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Personal Development
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
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Personal Development
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"Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth."
People
"The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well."
Life
"The world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those who feel."
Comedy
"The Methodists love your big sinners, as proper subjects to work upon."
Love
"Oh that I were seated as high as my ambition, I'd place my naked foot on the necks of monarchs."
Ambition
"Alexander at the head of the world never tasted the true pleasure that boys of his own age have enjoyed at the head of a school."
Age
"We often repent of our first thoughts, and scarce ever of our second."
Thought
"How well Shakespeare knew how to improve and exalt little circumstances, when he borrowed them from circumstantial or vulgar historians."
Circumstance
"The wisest prophets make sure of the event first."
Wisdom
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
Humor
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