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"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People

"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power

"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
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"Even though the museums guarding their precious property fence everything off, in my own studio, I made them so you and I could walk in and around, and among these sculptures."
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Personal Development

"If you're middle aged... where're you going to go to meet someone? You're not going to go to a bar, you're not going to go to a night club; and there are the museums."
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Personal Development

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place in museums; others, we take for walks."
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Personal Development

"We talk about theatre museums filled with old costumes and things. What we also need is a theatre museum of the old routines on videotape. We are only the custodians of those techniques, and they should be preserved."
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Personal Development

"In museums and palaces we are alternate radicals and conservatives."
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Personal Development

"There are wonderful museums with lots of photographs of 1920's musicals."
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Personal Development
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