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"More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own."
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"The time for revolt is now, and the time for revolt is always!"

"Taking consistent action is guaranteed to increase the probability of your success."

"Complaining is a vain way of explaining pain without gaining relief. Keep complains distances away from you."

"Don't complain. It's just a way of explaining your pains for no gains. Wake up to your calling... Wear a positive move and say your desires to God!"
Explore more quotes by Jay Leno

"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."

"If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet."

"The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets."

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."

"Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers."

"According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it."

"Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner."
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