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"New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures of Britney Spears's vagina getting out of a car. Television has desensitizes us to violence, and porn has desensitized us to people getting shot in the eye."
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"Your best protection is to have an established agent make the contact."
"Television is now the dominant factor in the lives of too many American children."
"As far as the media is concerned, I wouldn't shoot anything down."
"By the way, I understand that now you can have the Times delivered to your door here in the Twin Cities."
"I look for those moments that are "gee whiz" moments. There's some "gee whiz" stories in our show, and they can't be written like A-1 in the Times. They have to be written more like Page 6 in the Post."
"If you were an alien who came to our bookstores - or browsed our teen magazines - you'd think that only Earth girls who look like Mila Kunis ever got any action."
"Well, American dialects have been studied for a hundred years or so."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher
"But what is it that drives haters crazy with rage? Many times, it's being ignored. To a person with pride, being ignored is often worse than out-and-out hate; it's that much more of an insult, that you're not even worth noticing."
"For months in the fall of 2001, our highways looked like a county fair on wheels. 'Look out, Al-Qaeda---patriot on board!' I once saw a guy with five flags tell a guy with four flags to go back to Afghanistan."
"If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest."
"New Rule: The Napa Valley is Disneyland for alcoholics. Be honest, you're not visiting wineries in four days because you're an oenophile, you're doing it because you're a drunk. It's the only place in America where you can pass out in a stranger's house and it's okay, because it's a B&B and you paid for it."
"Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do."
"Women are also property in our bible; adultery is a property crime in the Old Testament, not a sex crime."
"We preach about capitalism and the beauty of unfettered market forces determining price--but not when it comes to gas. When it comes to gas, we need it cheap, and the president had better get it for us, or else, we don't care how."
"If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod."
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